The Great Indian Survey

Jayanta Madhav

Good Morning Diary,

Hope you had a nice Holi. Its Monday and time to get ready for office after three days of colour spraying and socializing.

But you know, Diary, I don’t feel like going office today ! Some scary thoughts are troubling me . What will happen at office , really ? Will people do any work so I may complete Friday’s left over project ? …… Will I confront only love making employees at cubicles and storerooms ??

You may wonder what I am talking about this fine, cool Monday morning !  Come on , Diary , don’t tell me you have not read yesterday’s India Today online story on us Guwahatian’s passion . Now tell me frankly ; Don’t you think what a fantastic piece of a story it is ? Wow ! Just look at the topic the story writer chose to delve on : “ India Today Sex Survey 2018 (what an idea Sirjee !) -as he calls it. And not to speak of the stark enormity of the statistics involved –  the numbers, percentage, sample size (Now don’t ask me whether the researchers collected related data from the story teller’s office  as well ) !!

Now coming to the finer details of the story , and the great revelation from the humongous research that was undertaken. Also not to forget the story writer (a Sobha De in the making ??) credited with enlightening readers with his perspective of the outstanding  piece of research backed by his wisdom , experience , philosophy .. and of course, hold on …his life lessons (OMG !!!) . And an equal kudos also to his  stated  lawyer, University professor and doctor friends for their liberal and enriching views on such a cardinal issue as this .

And now Diary, for your benefit, I am elucidating the gist of the story out of from my limited wisdom, philosophy and yes, u are right , my life-lesson : So here goes my list of  inferences from the superlative story :

  1. People from Lower Assam enjoy a fulfilling life and a whale of a time at their office at Guwahati.
  2. The Guwahati citizenry is a  debauched lot without organizations like RSS, AJYCP or ULFA .
  3. Illegal Sex rate in a city is directly proportional to the tonnage of cement and rod that goes into its infrastructure development .
  4. People desirous of admitting their patients at Guwahati hospitals must do so at their own risk and cost, since the required critical operation may not happen in time, the attending doctor and nurse being at some extraneous business inside the operation theatre.
  5. Guwahati College students of one sex must never visit cabins of teachers of the other sex to discuss any course related issues .

Hope , Diary, you have now understood the moral of the story !!

But …still thinking whether to start my car for office ……

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